Blood

Sabi ng isang Superhero (SH), “…hindi makakapagsulat kung walang dugong dumadanak.”

Eto na ang dugo. At ang sakit.

It is such a heavy burden to carry around, and I have been carrying it for a while. It is a nagging feeling that won’t let you sleep. It’s been on and off… But now it is on full-blast.

It is now a valid fear.

And boy, am I frightened.

It’s crazy, when you fear losing a job that you don’t even love in the first place, but you need to hold on to it because: 1) you need it to pay your bills, and 2) your pride cannot swallow the thought of you being ‘incompetent’.

I’m not sure whether I do want to go, or if I want to stay and prove myself. I mean, I already admitted that I don’t plan on staying there for longer than a year…

*Sigh*

But I am still agitated. It nags at me, gnaws at my nerves.

I don’t know what to do, think, or feel.

I hate it. I hate this.

Did I make a wrong decision somewhere?

Bleh. There’s no use in thinking what-ifs.

So what do I do now?

I don’t know.

Eff my life.

Sigh.

“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”
- ‘Closing Time’, Semisonic

Next week begins a definite new chapter in my life. No more work-from-home, FlexBen, shift premium, and flexitime. New environment, new people, new schedule, and new responsibilities. It’s almost as if I’ll be a whole new person.

A lot of people have been asking, “Why?”

The time is right. The opportunity presented itself, and I cannot afford to pass it up. It opens up entirely new possibilities for me, not just financially but also career-wise.

I hope it works out for the best.

Working at 0% battery power

Power meter - Total battery power remaining: 0%

My work laptop’s battery or/and power cord is/are broken.

I’m at 0% percent battery power, and yet I’m still able to turn on my wi-fi and connect via VPN.

Well, at least as long as I don’t close this window (see screenshot).

Three things to be happy about

1. Mon is coming back tomorrow! Happyness. ^_^
2. Starting this week, I am officially on Europe shift. This means I can wake up late, guilt-free, and get paid for it!
3. I finally got hold of one 100 peso bill with the Oblation on it! This is a great remembrance for the UP Centennial. I’m definitely not spending that.

UP Centennial Php100 bill

In a limbo

You thought you’re already decided, you thought you’re already sure. But when it came down to active moves, you couldn’t make yours. Truth is, you haven’t completely convinced yourself.

OR

You know it’s time. You know you have nothing to lose. You know you have the world to conquer. You just don’t know what’s keeping you from stepping away.

Certified

Three days ago, I took a certification exam.

The Capricorn Employee

From http://olyvia.wordpress.com/2007/11/28/what-kind-of-employee-are-you-zodiac-sign/

Capricorn Employee Profile (december 22 – january 20)
A Capricorn employee with too much to do is a happy worker. They need plenty of projects and responsibility. There is no sadder sight than a Capricorn worker without a sense of responsibility. They need to be needed. They are covertly ambitious – usually not flashy or obvious about it-but you will usually know that they are serious and determined about advancing themselves. (True, true) They are completely scrupulous, so much so that they can be self-disparaging. But they are no pushovers. They can wear down even the toughest customers. (I’m not sure this is true for me).Their persistence is incredible. Once they set their sights on a goal, they work away at it until the bitter end-whether the goal be that hard sell or the new hardware release. Capricorns don’t work for free, however. They expect to be paid handsomely and be given more and more responsibility. They need to come out ahead of the pack in the end, and they see the work environment as their primary vehicle. They won’t go in for the typical office gossip and politics, though. They want to get down to business at work and see it as no place for fooling around. With a strong sense of duty and respect towards their superiors, it is rare they will join in on boss-bashing or knocking the system. They can get frustrated, however, with blue sky management schemes that lack common sense, and they will interject their dry sense of humor in the most critical ways. If they want change, they will be unyielding. If all their effort leads to naught the result will be deep moods of darkness and depression with a sense of hopelessness. Keep your Capricorn employee happy by paying them fairly and giving them plenty of hard work. Arrange for a path of advancement within your organization for them. If you don’t, you might find them looking for other opportunities. (Amen)

Stepping up

Today is special — and it’s not just because the 29th of February comes every 4 years.

Today, an announcement is made to our team. I have made a most significant step forward. I’m stepping into a crazy world.

Moving on, moving away

As of the moment, two people have left and three people are sure to be leaving.

In the meantime, two people have shifted.

Tomorrow will decide if I, too, will be moving on, moving away from that which bound us together.

Driving to nowhere.

I attended a career program launch yesterday, and two speakers told of two very different stories on how they got to where they are right now. One of them was obviously ambitious and driven, and that’s how he got where he is. The other one’s story was rather amazing — it’s like the opportunities just presented themselves to him, and he simply followed where they led.

Of course I end up wondering where I want to be.